I give thanks for those who have come before and marked the way. I will allow myself to help mark the way for others. 

 

The Camino de Santiago is both ancient and well traveled. For a thousand years pilgrims have left their homes and made their way to the cathedral in Santiago, Spain where the remains of St James are said to be buried. Over one million souls made this journey during the middle ages by simply stepping out their front door and walking their own route to the cathedral. Over time several “official routes” were established and two symbols, the yellow arrow and the scallop shell came to mark the way. 

 

There were many twists and turns as we followed the path marked by others. Often we traveled isolated stretches where roads or trails branched off to neighboring villages and these villages seemed filled with tiny alleys and dead ends. At times we navigated large and confusing cities that were filled with cars, trains, and buses. The yellow arrows and scallop shells were like beacons, directing us forward toward our goal. We came to rely heavily on them and searched, at times minute by minute, for them as they were often our only assurance that we’d not wandered off track.

 

I remember the moment Anne spotted our first yellow arrow. It appeared  as we were leaving the town of Porto, and though it was just the first of literally hundreds that we were to encounter over the coming weeks, we were elated at this first tangible symbol of this pilgrimage we were beginning. We asked a man to take our picture; you can see our huge smiles and feel our sense of anticipation. We had walked all of a half mile of our 187 mile journey but in that moment we became connected to every person who had ever shared this pilgrimage.

 

We still had our written directions, but as I’ve said, they were often so confusing they were of little help. It didn’t take long for us to come to rely more on these ancient symbols to lead us forward. Skeptic that I am, a peculiar thing began to happen as I came to realize how heavily I was beginning to rely on a simple spray painted yellow arrow: An anxious voice inside of me began questioning their reliability. I remember asking Anne, “How do we know we can trust them? How do we know there isn’t some graffiti artist out there messing with us and leading us in circles?” The truth was we didn’t know, but equally true was the fact that there really was no better option than to move forward in trust. 

 

Over time we grew attached to that particular shade of yellow spray paint and the spindly, casual, unprofessional arrows that pointed us towards Santiago. They built a track record of trust with us. They weren’t present every moment, but usually showed up when we searched hard for them, and always when we really needed them. 

 

As my attachment and trust grew, I began to see beyond the arrow and scallop symbols themselves, and began to reflect on how it was that they had come to be on so many roads, rocks, and walls along our path. Who were the pilgrims that had come before us to mark our way? To whom did I owe this debt of gratitude that was growing inside of me? Who had felt led to share their energy, knowledge, and expertise for our benefit? Literally thousands of markers line the path of The Camino and none of them occur naturally; every one has been placed with deliberate intention and will continue to guide anonymous pilgrims throughout time.

 

Anne and I found great humor in another symbol that began showing up occasionally: The yellow “X”. It’s meaning was clear: “Don’t even think of making the mistake of going this way!”  The “X” became just as helpful as its cousin the arrow. While it didn’t point us forward, it at least advised us which path not to take. Our tired feet appreciated being saved wasted effort! 

 

As we walked I reflected on the arrows and X’s that have shown up in my life. I’m not sure I had very many arrows; With often absent parents, who weren’t prone to giving advice; I grew up navigating my own way as best I could. I’ve often wondered how life would have turned out if things had been different. While it has been liberating to develop a self-reliance of which I’m proud, my route through life was also anxiety ridden at times as I was left to my own emotional device. A little mentoring could have helped, and I’d like to think that I would have listened and benefitted from wise and honest guidance from parents who had navigated their own pilgrimage through life. 

 

By the time my father did offer advice I was already a young adult.  Though it didn’t take too long to appreciate the price of ignoring his wisdom, it was a classic case of “too little too late.”

 

My mother, on the other hand, while never offering advice, did throw a few well timed X’s in my path. The most powerful and poignant came when I was eighteen and seriously dating a boy from a tiny town in Texas. He was tall, handsome and “scared the dickens” out of my mom, so sure was she that he offered no stable future. Her anxiety for my welfare led her to reveal a long held secret of an aborted love affair when she was eighteen. Her sense of shame was monstrously huge and she wanted to spare me the lifetime of pain she had experienced as a result of her “mistake”. Though we only spoke of this man three times over the course of her lifetime, he affected so very much. Like a huge yellow “X” she communicated clearly to me the path I should never take: passionate impulsivity and any risk of making a shame filled mistake. Yes, truly the yellow “X” was clear, but which way should I go? A mother’s wisdom, humor, and grace, in the face of her own perceived wrong turn would have been so much more valuable than her shame. Instead It took me almost twenty years to find the “yellow arrow” inside of myself back to trusting my heart instead of living in fear of its power to ruin me. 

 

It wasn’t until my mid thirties that I found my way into a community where people fearlessly, and with a sense of humor, told the truth about their failings as well as their triumphs. While no one presumed to offer me advice, the “old-timers” shared their own stories, experience and hope. No one seemed to expect perfection from themselves or from me, just honesty. I have learned as much from their mistakes as I have from their victories. In truth, I’ve learned as much from my own wrong turns as I have from the ones I’ve gotten right. They are all just X’s and arrows, very rarely life or death.

 

I appreciate the courageous truth-tellers in my life that, like those that placed arrows and scallops to direct me on my camino, have gone before  and helped mark a smoother way. It encourages me to be an honest, courageous, and flawed parent and mentor myself.

 

The Camino taught Anne and I both that a pilgrimage, like life, is more than a long walk; It’s a turning, twisting, lesson at the deepest level. To be a pilgrim seems to be more than someone who has completed a long walk, it is to have been changed by the journey and to take that change and make a positive impact in one’s world . It feels like both a profound privilege and a deep responsibility. The Camino encourages me to risk disclosing my wrong turns as well as my right turns. Yes, I expose my shame, but, more importantly, I share my strength. Like a hiker that takes a moment of effort to add their own rock to the cairn marking a trail, or a pilgrim that returns to mark a truer smoother path, I too get the opportunity to contribute to the welfare of a community that follows. 

 

Reflection: 

Serving as a marker or mentor in the lives of others need not be an exercise in grandiosity. It is a matter of fact that we can never be another’s “savior” or the source of anyone’s salvation. Everyone, who chooses to, has their own higher power and that will never be us. At the same time, who are we not to play our part? To use our honest and fearless voice? To serve as a yellow arrow or even a yellow “X” in the life of someone else?  To contribute our part in marking the way for others?

 

Reflection:

 

    1.  What are the areas of natural strength in your life that you would be willing to share insight, wisdom, and direction with others if asked? It is said that “we supply the willingness and God supplies the opportunity”. Does anything stand in the way of “willingness” for you? 

 

    2.  Our greatest wisdom often comes from our greatest failings, provided that we have learned from our wrong turns, and can share our experience from a position of strength and not shame. What are you willing to be honest about, so that others might benefit from your mistakes?